The Past is Present

Wednesday 8/14/13

I have not blogged in 6 years. At the time of my last post it had been several months since Greg and I had ended our first go around. I read and re-read those posts. How had I allowed him to do to me again what he did to me 6 years ago? How did that happen? None the less it did. Back then my faith in God was so strong that I knew He would see me through it all and He did. This time around I do believe that God does exist but how can He heal me again after I made the same damn mistake? Was I suppose to learn something new by going back to Greg? All I know is that my heart hurts even though my head is well aware of the fact that the man is no good. Where is my faith now? I need you, God, more then ever.

I need you, God, because I miss Greg everyday. This man who lied and cheated and betrayed me. How can I miss him? But I do and I can't go back. At least one thing everyday reminds me of him. The good in him and there really is good there. Why doesn't he allow it to shine through? If I am going to remember the good then I must remind myself of the bad. My life with him was a facade. I mustn't forget that. EVER!