TO FORGIVE HUMAN, TO FORGET DIVINE - Most of us are faced with forgiving and forgetting on a daily basis. For me the forgiving part is so easy. It is the letting go and forgetting about it that is more difficult.

Yesterday a friend and I had a discussion on how to best make a relationship work. He said it takes patience and understanding. I said it takes patience, understanding and forgiveness on BOTH parts and of course the desire for both parties to want the relationship to work. My friend and I have had numerous moments in our 20 years of knowing each other that we have had to forgive. He can forgive and forget. I forgive but never forget because my belief was that if I forgot I would allow the situation to consume me again.

It is the not forgetting that makes us angry and the pain can be unbareable. So how do we forgive someone when they have done us wrong and let go of it? Is there a secret to this?
In 2005 I was faced with a painful incident that involved 2 other people that I loved dearly. After the incident I prayed everyday that God would restore the friendships that were lost because of this unfortunate incident. Inside I felt that even if we all forgave each other we would never forget the words and actions that had been exchanged and things would never be as they were. Well, call it luck, fate or divine intervention but one person stepped forward and asked to be forgiven. She wiped the slate clean and has never looked back. This gave me the courage to go to the third person involved and ask forgiveness. The three of us have not only restored the friendships but we all have a stronger bond and are more determined then ever to NEVER let any misunderstanding or human being come between us again. I believe this happened because all of us wanted it and we were all determined to right what was made wrong.

Right now I have two situations that are on my mind. One of my best friends said to me that forgiveness is two-fold. We forgive to cleanse our soul and hopefully that will help the other person to do the same and do the right thing. But if the other party refuses to acknowledge their wrong doing and keeps giving it back to you how do you allow yourself to rid yourself of their misery? There is one person I have tried to forgive for years and ask forgiveness so we can relieve ourselves of this dark cloud but their response is always condescending and patronizing. Then I find myself back to square one. Misery loves company, I guess.

My sister's answer is to forgive and then look at the blessings the person and/or incident brought to our life. My boyfriend said to give them back the black cloud and then "step out of their way" so they can't give it back. I am not sure of the answer but I have a new incident that needs to be put to rest. I am told in every incident that I have had to encounter that the people involved will never take the necessary steps to right what was made wrong so therefore I should. Sometimes I do get tired of having to be the bigger person but I have to remember "It is the strongest character that God gives the most challenges". I suppose it really shouldn't matter who takes the first step as long as it is done but what if the other person or persons are not open to it? Then what? How then do I "let go" of it and not allow it to touch my life again?

I do thank God for Brookie everyday for being the bigger person in 2005. I feel closer to her now then I did before the incident.

I thank God that my friendship to Mike has meant as much to him as it does to me. We have a stronger bond today then we did in 2003 and we were very close then so that is saying something.

But this situation happened successfully because ALL parties wanted to make things right.
I certainly have moved on but occasionally others push their misery into my personal space. I am aware of my blessings but I suppose I don't say 'thank you' enough. Maybe that is why I allow them to give me their misery? I wish I had the answer.