I recently read a blog by my friend, Jaye. He has very strong opinions about movies, tv, politics, religion. Agree or disagree but they are HIS opinions. HIS feelings. If you look at both Jaye and I we would appear to have little in common. We disagree about movies, tv, & religion. We don't even agree how the other handles certain situations and yet because we have a tremendous amount of respect for one another (and we are aware of what is in each other's heart) we are great friends. I would never in a million years tell him he was wrong about HIS feelings nor would he tell me that I was wrong. On many levels we simply agree to disagree.After I read Jaye's blog I went back to my "archives" and looked at everything I have ever blogged and the comments. Some of it was painful to read. Some of it no longer mattered. Some stayed true. Nonetheless, they were real at the time and true to what I felt.For instance last month one of my blogs caused a great deal of controversy which I did not handle well. What I should have done was simply hit the delete button as "people" e-mailed their feelings about me to me on MY space. The bottom line was these "people" had no idea what was truly going on behind closed doors. I should have ignored them but allowed myself to get caught up in the drama. In the long run, it brought my son and I closer together. So whatever "stuff" they were trying to do only worked in my favor.How I worded my blog was probably not the best because what I should have said was "It is easy to be a step-parent. A step-parent is either pure evil or absolutely adored. There is no gray area. There is no responsibility there so you can always look like the good guy". Nonetheless, it was my own feeling at the time for ONLY my friends to "hear".
Yes, there are kids that have gone through worse then my kid but all he knows is broken promises and distance. So, too bad if someone out there feels he needs to get over it or that I need to as well. I should have turned the other cheek but I allowed it to get blown up but again, God must have had a hand in it because it gave me one blessing after another.What does "over it" mean anyway? No one gets over something that was important in their life. They do, however, move on but there are scars and deep rooted feelings. As my attorney told me "Girl, you are not bitter or angry but a seasoned, beaten-up-by-life woman". Does it make me not thankful for life or what I have? Does it paralyze me from moving forward? Absolutely not. They are simply my own personal feelings or opinions. Shouldn't we be allowed our OPINIONS, our FEELINGS? It shows we have a mind. Shouldn't we be allowed to share it with whomever we like? It has only shown exactly who I am. I have a very strong support system. Even when family and friends don't agree with me you better not mess with their girl. They have always risen to my defense.Unfortunately I have allowed the very few who do disagree with me rule how I feel and I apologize for what was truly mine (my true feelings) and that is wrong. It usually lasts for only a moment and then I "wake-up". Nonetheless we should concentrate on the many who accept us for us and not the few who "disagree". I have a friend who is a newspaper columnist. He puts it out there and people disagree with him on a daily basis but he handles all of it so well. I really must ask him how he does it.Friday night we celebrated Christmas with Joe. Greg cooked dinner and after dinner we opened presents, fixed up Joe's room and watched a movie. I looked at my little family and was ever so thankful for my guys. I realized that God didn't judge me for my opinions, my feelings. I mean I have so much. Trust me, karma will bite you in the ass. We are all held accountable for our actions. We must accept the consequences BUT if our feelings are true and real then we are not 'wrong'. Had I handled my situation differently I may not have received such blessings afterward. It forced me to "come clean" with Joe and that proved to strengthen our relationship. So in many ways I am thankful for putting my feelings, my opinions out there. As long as it is done here or with family or trusted friends. And then it should not be used against you.
Yes, EVERYONE has a right to comment, respond but it doesn't mean we are wrong in how we feel or felt for that moment. Feelings are real. Opinions are real. This is our space to use in our own way. I mean someone came on my space and called me names for my feelings and then turned around called me names on their space. That is okay? (never mind, I am not even going to try and analyze that one)Jaye, look around. You and I are so lucky. If people think we are wrong and therefore think we are morons or evil or whatever the case may be then so be it. I am here for you and I know you are there for me.